While Adam mostly used NUK bottles in the earlier months, lately, he's been drinking from Avent, Pigeon and even "brandless" bottles I got as gifts. With so much to read on Bisphenol-A, I became a tad paranoid, thinking about whether the bottles he's drinking from are really safe.

read about it here : http://www.bisphenolafree.org/

So yesterday during a shopping trip to Marina Sq, I searched for it at JL, to no avail. Found it at KP, and was stumped at its price! A 300-ml BFree (Bisphenol-A Free, I suppose) cost me $21.90! I bought only 1 - in case Adam doesn't like it.

The bottle has more parts than a conventional baby bottle -  a valve, some tube for anti-colic purposes. I used all the parts for his first BFree feed this morning, but during the second feed, I did away with those complicated parts - no point using them since Adam's past 1 yr and alhamdulillah not colicky anymore.

I came across this article and thought u might enjoy reading it..

http://www.vitalaffirmations.com/forgiveness.htm

Forgiveness - Releasing the Past

Forgiveness is such an important subject that I feel compelled to spend some time explaining its significance. When we hold something unforgiven inside, we are nurturing anger, hatred and resentment or maybe even guilt. These emotions lock us into the moment, continually reliving events, over time all this emotion can become suppressed into the subconscious, but they are still there, consuming our mental and life energy. Until we release ourselves from this cycle, it may prove impossible to move forward.

It really does not matter what the issue was, whether slight or life-shatteringly traumatic. If you want to move on you must let it go. To do this we must forgive. To forgive someone does not mean that that you condone their behaviour simply that you forgive them, and release them. By releasing and forgiving them, you release yourself.

Some people hold onto their anger, refusing to forgive or let go.  They will never move on until they do. In fact quite the reverse, by allowing such emotions to ferment inside, they grow and can become all consuming, their whole life becoming defined by whatever the event was. They are no longer in control of their life or living the life they want. They are living a life that is directed by their anger and hurt.

How our lives are, is often a reflection of our reactions to the ups and downs of life. If we choose to accept the good and release the bad, we are able to maintain control over our lives and keep our sense of direction. If however we  focus on the bad things that have happened to us then these will simply grow, continually manifesting our own dark thoughts and divert us from seeking what we really want.

If you or your life is "stuck", then it is well worth looking back to see if there is anything unforgiven in your past. Remember to forgive everyone, especially yourself. So many people trudge through their lives burdened with guilt for this or that, forgive yourself  and let it go.

Remember, life is in the now, the past is already finished and dead and cannot be changed. Nothing you can do now, can ever change the past, yet it is amazing how many people squander their emotional and life energy, consumed with anger or guilt about the past. In this moment now, you have your power, the power to make your choices, take your action, to make a difference. You have no power in the past and you have no assurance of power in the future.

If you want to feel free, released from the past  then you must forgive. Forgive everyone, especially yourself. I know how difficult it is to overcome our natural and very human feelings of anger, guilt, resentment and fear. The basis of them can seem and may well be completely justified, you may be completely right to have these emotions and it is OK to experience them. However, these emotions damage your ability to move on, you must accept your emotions but then be prepared to let them go. To release yourself, you must forgive. Until you do you will remain the victim with your life locked into all those negative emotions.

Look around you, do you know anyone like that? Some tragedy or injustice has been suffered and now the entire life of that person is defined by their anger and resentment. Every positive thought, every inspired moment, all of life's little pleasures are subsumed with their overwhelming feelings of anger, resentment, even desire for revenge. No matter how justified their emotions are, what good is it doing them? The past can never be changed. Life is full of tragedy and joy, it is not the events of life so much as how we respond to them that defines how joyous and successful our lives are.

X Daloo3a X

I did the whole bunch of laundry the whole day, I'm tired now.
I've been living in an ambiguous and unhappy self for years, and I'm tired now.
I've been waiting for a revolution in life for too long, and I'm tired now.
I wish I could live without wishing something would happen but I don't think it's possible.
Maybe it just doesn't apply to me.

Vorrei sapere in questi mesi quante volte l'hai guardato e hai mosso il naso a coniglietto, o quante volte gli hai fatto *grab*. No, non lo vorrei sapere.

I've done some mean things out of spite, I've been selfish, and I've been inconsistent. I've promised to do some things and reneged, and I've said things that I really knew weren't true but some of these times it was to protect the people around me.

I suppose this is my opening up (finally stage) and .. self discovery is what will help me.. I have to open up and realise what is best for me...... how do I do it though?

I don't even know where to start...I know I've always wanted to believe some things about myself that weren't true and he reflects the truth a little too clearly... in such a short period of time, he knows me, inside and out..

Honesty is vital to making effective changes and identifying who I really am and what I really want. When I lie about who I am or what I really believe, I reinforce the idea that I need to pretend to be someone else or that I am not fundamentally "good enough".

Problem is, if I'm honest, I tend to hurt people, my honest doesn't come from that loving place that it should come from......but I guess it's time I start being honest and try and make my honest come from a good, loving place.

I think I've come to realise that, without the truth of who you are and what you really want, you cannot have clarity in life and you cannot achieve your dreams because you have no true direction.

X Daloo3a x

DATELINE-BLUE CREEK, WV:

Yes, it's true. I'm an Alien Abductee! This is not an easy confession to make but, make it I must. My family thinks this explains a lot. Well, that and being dropped on my head as a baby.

The first time was quite scary! It was a few months ago...In the middle of the night I was paralyzed and levitated to the "Mother Ship". It was so cool! There also was a jar of Jiff Peanut Butter being levitated along with me. Odd! These are not normal life events! The ship was astounding. It made the Space Shuttle look like a Conestoga Wagon.

Guess what?...Give up yet?...Ok, times up. Peanut butter sticks to the roof of the Alien's mouths too. It's true! In spite of this, they love the stuff (they "spoon" it straight out of the jar). It's hard to be too scared of an entity with peanut butter stuck to the corner of his mouth. It really shows up on their grey skin. Anyway, we had a real good time flying around, seeing the sights and teasing the F-16 Interceptors. We mostly flew over the friendly skies of Texas. Oh, those Aliens. They just love to "Mess with Texas"!

One of my latest travels with these Cirians (no, not those of the Al Qaida Fan Club) was quite interesting. We had a Botox Party. It was complete with finger foods (peanut butter on Townhouse Crackers) and dance music. One of the Cirianettes could really dance. She was awesome! She made those on "Dancing With The Stars" look like ducks chasing June Bugs.

I'll keep you updated on my adventures with the Abductors.

P.S. I'm little tired of peanut butter but, I do look ten years younger!  tom vickers

I AM SOOOO WORRIED cos i cannot get ele on the phone for the past 1hr! i called her house & her mum says she hasn't been back since i went out with her and then calling her hp for like 1hr+ she hasn't picked up AT ALL. where can she be! she told me she was gonna be at home :( then again, maybe she's watching movie lah. but aiyah, i dunno whether to go out anot!!! SIGHH.

i shall watch hongkong shows now, tmr class outing DON'T FORGET ;)

Juz get back home after watched The Chronicle of Narnia 2, yang tentang Prince Caspian tu~

It was very dissapointing! The trailer seems much better than watching the movie! Tapi ni mungkin juga sbb i didn't read any review or synopsis on the story first T_T...

Anyway, the OST seems nice and very appealing ^^, givin the feel of RPG gamez~

But, in the end, i recommend to everyone out there to watch this movie! Don't watch from Pirated cds n dvds but watch it in the cinema for better result and no head will block your view bcoz if that happen... you could ask the person to move their head away right? Kehehe~

Is he just passing time?

X Daloo3a X

And theists, American Christians in particular, have managed to change my mind.

At the start I was sure that people were people. Ideas were ideas. I could understand people and ideas and enrich my life and hope that in some way enrich other's lives too.

But some of the sheer hate and bigotry I've seen reguarding California's recent Supreme Court decision just floored me. And the comments that made me most aghast came from folks professing to be Christians, including ministers!

If faith in a loving god does this, then I'll have none of it. None at all.

Today was my cousin's(K) 8 month anniversary with her (asshole) boyfriend but she didn't attend our little 'fesita' and so did her boyfriend. So, my other cousin(B) and I went out with some friends to watch a movie, Made of Honour( which is rated PG when it should be rated NC16). Anyways, one of our friends left and the 3 of us went to shop around bugis street ( one of the biggest and most crowded shopping streets in Singapore) ( do not go there on  a Sunday). I didn't buy anything so don't ask. I really didn't think I would find K's boyfriend outside a languors shop with another girl doing..I don't know what to each other! I bet he got scared the moment he saw us. Ha! Serves him right.

This is a good reason why teens under 18 shouldn't date. The harsh reality of rejection and cheating is what gets to them and affects everything in their lives and they go into depression. Relationships are indeed complicated and need time to develop. Some people I know have relationships for one day. That's not a relationship. That's 'lets be CLOSE friends'and the next day 'I dont want to be friends any more'. It's stupid. It's like kinder garden kids just 'I friend you' and 'I don't want to friend you any more'. It's immature and childish. Yea, 8 months is a long time, but it isn't worth it when you have to wait so long for someone to love you when everyone around you knows it isn't going to last that long.  It's silly.  When I was 13 I vowed to myself not to have a boyfriend until I'm 17 or 18. I have kept that vow ever since. No official boyfriend ever.

How wonderful, right?

~~~what is faith?~~~

Well the other day while climaxing during a sexual experience I had one of those orgasms that some may call transcendent sex  I could see the energy in the room and some form of light energy moving around (not sure if it was angels or God knows what) but there was a calming feeling but also a feeling of being injected with some type of morphine (there was no morphine or any other kind of narcotic besides the natural chemicals in my body that was flowing in all kinds of directions). I know I could feel someone else in the room besides my boyfriend and I and I am for sure those lights I saw with my eyes was a form of transcendent being.

I think meeting up with Lina has further reaffirmed the direction that I want to head towards to. I'm always thankful for someone who is willing to constantly remind me to never settle for less because this is such a big contrast to others who are urging me to not be "so picky". Well, if being "picky" means not getting stuck with "Plan B", then I'd gladly be a prick.

Speaking of Plan B however, I think sooner or later, I'd have to realise that I'd always end up being one in friendships. But it's ok, we're all learning to move with our lives. I will no longer hinge my expectations on friendships. They're too volatile and unpredictable, always at the mercy of external circumstances.

I'm slowly uploading photos on flickr, but they're up! I'm not sure how many I'll put on there, but looking at them I really am glad that I went on this trip. More stories to come.

# we are not desensitised to things because of the internet; we're more learned

# blogging makes me happy, maths does not; therefore i should blog more and do maths less?

# my ideal job is a novel critic, but no one wants to hear my biased bullshit, so i'll just have to settle for something else

# people who can draw are extremely interesting to me

# the enigmatic guy isn't as appealing anymore

# i never get period pain

# my parents donated $500 out of their goodwill to earthquake victims

# brave new world has a perfect society; i don't understand why people call it a dystopic novel

# if everyone was happy, what would happy be?

# i dance in the shower to the music i hear in my mind

# i am going to fail my maths exam if i don't go and study now

In January 1996, Pastor Joe Wright, asked to open the new session of the Kansas senate, delivered a prayer that no one expected. I first read this some years ago, and for some reason, recently thought of it again. I think it speaks for itself. 

I cleaned and oiled my wooden cutting boards today. I do that about 3 or 4 times a year. First, I cut a lemon in half and sprinkle the board with some rock salt. Then I scrub the board with the cut side of the lemon. The salt acts as a gentle abrasive. When finished, I wipe it down with paper towel, and then oil it well. The oil penetrates the wood, preserving it and giving it a lovely sheen.

Then I oiled the wooden handles of my French knives. They look so good now. In celebration I spent an hour chopping vegetables to make home made tomato paste. AND I made a gorgeous Indian eggless custard. The recipes will appear here in due course.

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend. He is an artist. No, really, he is a real artist - a person with a real gift for capturing emotional content from inanimate things in his camera. But he does not trust himself as an artist (my interpretation of him). So whenever he has an exhibition coming, or a showing, he wants to do fancy things with his work. My sense of art aches for him, because I think he has such a "pureness" about his work that it does not need fancy backings and layouts and formats. I just want him to let his work shine. He of course, argued with me.

But I realised afterwards that I am about letting things, people, work, shine - to be themselves and to glow in that. Even my cooking. It is simple, usually, and quick, usually. It is often rustic (I like rustic). But the joy of eating, whether that is sitting on the floor, watching TV, eating in the park, or at a formal dinner, is from the food - from the ingredients - not from the layers of complexity introduced. I have a friend at the moment going through a period of loss, and yet when she ate my garlicky ginger soup, the look of happiness on her face was truly amazing.

Simple. That's me.

I don't like trickery, whether that is in art, cooking, work, politics,books, life, love ... No wonder I have a reputation in my work for getting to the heart of the matter and simplifying things so that people can understand and engage. Removing the layers of bu**#@%$ that people seem intent to build around things. Maybe it gives them power. When you remove your own need for power, wisdom and authority come naturally.

My meditation this month is on being aware of awareness travelling from one object of focus to another - niimf in Shum. Being aware of being aware is not a difficult concept to grasp but being aware of awareness as it moves from one area of mind to another is an amazing thing. Try it. Think about the last book you read. Now think about what you are going to do tomorrow. See? Catch it? Your awareness moving? Try it again. Book. Tomorrow. Book. Tomorrow. Did you notice your awareness moving? It is called niimf (nee-(i)mf).

I was reading over breakfast the book "Flora" by the photographer Nick Knight which captures in photographs the dried flowers of the Natural History Museum in London. (See the image at the top of this post.) In the Introduction he talks about his awareness of the plants he was working with in a way that really resonated with me.

I was struck by the fact that these plants didn't look dead. Life was very apparent. I could see the movement of the wind blowing through their leaves and petals, sense the water flowing throughout their vessels and their flowers straining to turn and open into the sun's rays. But these plants had one important difference - the fragility, the tragic urgency had gone and they had taken on a new certainty of being; a statement like boldness. They have escaped their fate.

So what to cook for you today while I am reflective and mellow? Why not tomatoes and melted cheese?

Pomodori Gratinati (Tomatoes Gratineed with Cheese)

Source : inspired by Twelve: A Tuscan Cookbook
Cuisine: Italian
Prep time: 10 mins
Cooking time: 40 mins
Serves: 4 - 6 people, depending how you use it

ingredients
6 large ripe plum tomatoes
3 Tblspns chopped parsley
1 clove garlic, chopped finely
10 or so mint leaves
10 or so basil leaves
1 Tblspn freshly grated parmesan cheese
1 Tblspn grated fresh pecorino cheese
1.5 Tblspn fine breadcrumbs
6 Tblspn cold pressed virgin olive oil
sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Wash and dry the tomatoes and halve them. With a teaspoon, gently scoop out the flesh and seeds without damaging the tomato shells. It may help to use a small knife to sever first, then scoop with the spoon.

Put the tomato shells into a baking dish cut side up, and season with salt and pepper.

Finely chop the tomato flesh and seeds and put into a bowl. Add the parsley, garlic, mint and basil. Stir in the grated cheeses and breadcrumbs. Mix well, and add half of the olive oil. Mix again.

Spoon the mixture into the tomato shells and drizzle with the remaining olive oil. Bake in the hot oven for 25 - 35 minutes or until they are lightly golden and cooked.

Serve warm or at room temperature.

The Tomato Series

• Bruschetta al Pomodoro
• Chana Chat with Chat Masala
• Ginger Garlic Lentil Soup
• Go Spanish - Tomato Paella
• Plump Ruby Bites - Oven Dried Tomatoes
• The Simplest Spaghetti
• Take a Tomato - Quick Tomato Soup
• Tomato Rasam for a SPICE Hit!
• Tomato Salad
• Simple approaches

Possibly Related Posts:

Other Posts:

I have always been aware of Death. I have never doubted that he’s real and that he’s such a powerful being, no one can escape his might. I’ve always been aware of the indescribable pain and stark sense of loss that are his marks; and of the bottomless void and utter emptiness that he always carries with him wherever he goes.

But for a long time, Death was just a mythical presence in my mind, like Santa Claus who goes around giving gifts to every child on Christmas, but somehow manages to always overlook our house. I had always concluded that our house was so remote Santa Claus could not possibly find us, which was just fine by me because I was never concerned about receiving gifts from him. I had, in fact, been thankful that our house seemed to have been left out in the maps of the deities, especially whenever I would think about Death. Every time I let my mind wonder about him, I would envision Death having a hard time finding our house and that of our extended family. I would then smile to myself, thinking that somehow we had been tricking Death for sometime without him knowing it.

But not for long. Death eventually located where Inang (grandmother) and Amang (grandfather) lived. One night in December 2005, without warning, he forced entry into Amang and Inang’s door, and took my lovely Inang with him.

It was my first time to see Death up close. He was a gory sight, a horrible presence that sucked up happy emotions and thoughts, replacing them with despair and gloom. I felt awful being that close to him. Still, I tried to stand between him and my Inang and defiantly challenged him not to prey on the weak. But Death knows no dignity. He simply looked down on me, telling me there would be a time he’d deal with me, but not just yet. I smelled his putrid breath as he spoke; it was all I could do not to puke. I stared at him hard, and a chill ran through me. I noticed there was no heart inside his ribcage. He must have lost it some time ago; or maybe it was never there.

I watched as Death walked out of the house, carrying my Inang who was blissfully lost in her dreamless sleep. We knew we were defeated; there was nothing we could do. Our only consolation was that Inang didn’t seem to know what had happened; she looked at peace in her sleep.

The moment Death and Inang left, darkness enveloped the house, but this, we did not readily notice. We didn’t have the strength to go and switch on the lights; we were all consumed in our loss as we struggled to console Amang, who was so calm, having already surrendered everything to the God we prayed to every night. That night, though, life refused to flicker in Amang’s eyes.

My great loss threw me into a bottomless pit I never knew existed. I felt I had drowned or suffocated. My pain and loss gnawed at my very soul and ate a big piece of my being. Every time I felt the need to unleash my pain, I would let out all the water in the overflowing dam of my aching heart.

Then a new kind of fear enveloped me, realizing that Death was not yet done with us. He would be back, and in my heart I knew who he would take with him first. Since Inang’s departure, a kind of panic always enveloped me every time I looked at or thought of Amang. So I tried to be home more often and spend as much time with him as possible.

Death did come back, much sooner than I had thought. In May 2007, just over a year after he took Inang away from us, Death showed up at Amang’s door. He neither knocked on the door nor acknowledged us. He just went straight to Amang’s bed and gathered him into his cold, unfeeling embrace. How we shouted at Death to let go of Amang, how we tried to pull Amang free of the unwanted visitor’s powerful grip. But slowly, gradually, we lost. Death had Amang lying limp in his arms, and though they lingered a while longer, they too eventually left; leaving us to mend the shreds of our shattered hearts.

Life went on. We managed to accept our great losses. But life was never the same again for us who have been left behind. Where before I could simply go home and share a laugh with Inang and Amang, all I have left of them now is a memory — so alive Amang and Inang seem, so tangible are their images I swear I can feel them in my arms and hear their sweet laughter. But still, deep within me I know they are just shadows trying to ease my pain.

I will forever be thankful for the good memories that I have of Amang and Inang, but my heart sometimes can’t help but wish for more. The only thing that gives me strength when I think of them is the thought that they are together now, never to be separated from each other again. Death, after all, is the beginning of a life that never ends — a life that has no place for Death and his utter nothingness.

//Sherma E. Benosa

31 October 2007; 8:35pm