Now l cannot sit here and condone her for being in love with a married man god know's l  have slept with a few myself.What bothers me is her sense of guilt.

The sense this all wrong ok you can say it is...He should leave his wife and his family to be with her or leave her alone.

But his wife and kids did not ask for this this something he wanted and needed.

I have held her hand through the last few months and have seen first hand her sense of guilt eating her alive.On one hand she is happy he makes her happy and on the other it's a case of what am l doing?

I have told her you cannot help who you fall in love with none of us can it happens.

Maybe you can stop it by walking away and pretending you never met the person but l think then you have a case of what if?

I know in my heart they should be together yes l would have liked it for her if he was single but hey as they say crap happens.

All l can do is keep holding her hand when she needs a friend.

This was the group shot on the stairs.

This is one of my favorites. If you try to look close, you might be able to see my train. It's one of the main reasons I bought that dress and you can't even see it in photos!

Maybe you can see the train in this one? This is my mom's favorite.

And in this one, you can see the other reason I bought this dress. All the beautiful detailing on the bodice. This is one of my favorites from the day.

Of course I've got loads more, but these are just a few of my favorites and...since I'll never get to blog about my upcoming wedding on here, I thought I'd do a brief post about our wedding four years ago.

Noah and I got married really young. I was only 20. He had graduated like four days prior and I still had another year. I honestly don't know how we made it through that first year. We were young, dumb, and broke but we made it. Since we didn't have much money and my parents couldn't afford to pay for the wedding, we decided to fly to Las Vegas and get married. A family friend's daughter had done it a few years earlier and we thought it sounded like a great idea. The more we looked into, the more we liked it. I think our whole wedding including airfare and hotel was well under $2,000. The average wedding costs $10,000. We got married at the MGM Grand hotel. They sent us a packet to choose our music, flowers, and all the pertinent details. It was so quick and easy and they are so efficient. But you don't feel like it's an assembly line wedding. Everyone was personable and really helpful. The whole ceremony took approximately 30 minutes. Then we were ushered next door for pictures which also took about 30 minutes. The next day before we flew out, they had our pictures and our video ready for us to take home to show at the reception. We invited our close family to come with us and I was surprised at the number of family members that came with us. There were 21 of us, you can see in that first picture. I'm so glad my dad and Noah's dad poked their head in while we were doing our photos and asked the photographer for that picture. I think it's great. My dad still walked me down the aisle. I got to wear my dress twice. We went somewhere we'd never been. Noah had never been on a plane before. And we got to come home and still share the day with our families. Noah's parents paid for our reception and for that I am very grateful. They also paid for our honeymoon which we took to Disney World. Noah's choice 100%. I don't regret our wedding at all. I was really afraid I would regret not having the big church wedding, but I don't. In fact, as our close friends were planning their wedding all I thought was Whew! I'm so glad we didn't have to go through all of this!

Anyway...that was a brief recap of our wedding. I loved every minute of it, even if I don't remember it. I think that's my advice to brides to be. Slow down. Take lots of pictures. That day will go by so fast and you won't remember 90% of it. That's why pictures are important. Enjoy it. It's one of the most important days of your life.

Asian Lillies on Steroids!  These blooms are the highlight of my summer.  I planted these Asian Lilly bulbs five years ago, and every summer around the first of July they start to blossom.  Their stalks are almost six feet tall and blooms start from the base and climb to the tip over a few weeks.

They have a heavenly sweet scent.  In the evenings, we sit on the cool front porch and admire them.  Have a wonderful weekend.

you brought me back to that place, so far gone, I've forgotten.

all i know is, i smell it again, but on you.

i close my eyes and take it all in.

i hear you call my name.

and you tear into my shoulders.

i feel the blood course through my body, just as sure as it will spill from the tears you've created.

i look at you, your eyes are closed.

where did you come from?

why do you have that smell?

why do you look so beautiful?

why do all girls look a million times more beautiful when i lie on top of them and look into their faces?

i haven't been having the best of times.

someone i love, doesn't love me like the way i love her

and the love we share, is scarily in comparison to everything i held onto with her.

melancholy seems to be my drug of choice

i never seem to run away from it

it never seems to run away from me

every time, when i least expect it

it flashes before me again

and I'm trapped

trapped with the beautiful sadness

that lies with me

that sings me to sleep

that holds my dreams

that wakes me before my dreams reveal my true love

only there to remind me

that my beautiful love

is waiting for me

Because the Mavericks won't budge on Howard, a potential trade for Artest is all but dead, the source said. Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban declined comment in an e-mail to The Dallas Morning News.

A deal for Artest would have given the Mavericks an All-Star caliber starter at every position except center and reunited Artest with head coach Rick Carlisle, who coached Artest when he played for the Indiana Pacers.

Trade rumors have swirled about Artest this summer. The Kings and Los Angeles Lakers were reportedly in talks about an Artest-for-Lamar Odom swap, but that has since fizzled. The San Antonio Spurs and Phoenix Suns also have shown interest.

Artest, 28, is one of the top defensive players in the NBA and has averaged 16 points, 5.1 rebounds and 3.2 assists per game over his nine-year career. Artest has career playoff averages of 17.3 points and 6.1 rebounds per game.

Artest (6-7, 248) is with his third NBA team but doesn't seem to be slowing. He averaged a career-best 20.5 points per game last season with the Kings.

Bass and Stackhouse for Artest would have been almost a wash in terms of salaries. Artest is set to make $7.4 million next season. Stackhouse will earn $7 million next season and Bass $826,269.

Stackhouse, 33, averaged a career-low 10.7 points per game last season, his 13th in the NBA. The 23-year-old Bass, however, set career-highs by averaging 8.3 points and 4.4 rebounds per game last season, his third. Bass (6-8, 240) spent his first two seasons with the New Orleans Hornets.

Howard, 28, averaged a career-best 19.9 points and seven rebounds per game last season, his fifth. He was All-Star in 2007 and will earn $9.945 million next season.

Howard, 6-5, had a rocky finish last season. He went on a local radio show and discussed his off-season marijuana use during the Mavericks' playoff series against the New Orleans Hornets. And after a playoff loss, he passed out fliers in the locker room inviting teammates to celebrate his birthday at a Dallas nightclub.

But despite Howard's off-court antics in late April, the Mavericks don't seem willing to deal the versatile swingman. At least not yet.

they are delicious and best when raw, like sex.

I meant.....

This blog built a bridge to all of us again; here we are, still pained, haunted; so many questions of why, always why, without it we have nothing. Why is what drives us, compels us, on and on; reaching out; needing, always needing each other. I know this is true on so many more levels, then just blog stats. So believe me when I say I know this blog is for us.

I stand before you now asking your forgiveness; forgiveness for the misuse of a gift. What gift you say, the gift of empathy. I’ve always been able to feel you, all of you; my collective weight. It was why you let me in; why I was able to facilitate change in your life. Every last one of you has admitted it, so I know this is true also. But to facilitate change with agenda is a violation of trust. It was the only way I could feel love that I knew of; that which I desperately wanted to feel; sincerely, I’m so sorry. Please don’t believe you are the only ones that suffer. It is my instant karmic debt, a toddler holding a loaded 45. For every pain, I inflict, I feel as well, wall paper on my soul; now tattered and unrecognizable,

We have left our marks on one another, deep, cutting, but at the same time; comforting. We feel comfort in our pain, its familiarity, without it we lose the image of ourselves; that which we show ourselves and to the rest of the world. We play many roles in our personal movies, but in the close relationships, the ones that burn in smoldering ashes; one is always the good and the other bad. The ego demands this of us so we can survive. I tell you this now, I am not a bad guy but a seriously fucked up good guy; perhaps you already know this; another image for sure.

For some part of me that shines, the intangible; the thing that made us smile; you must have felt that as well and know the truth when I speak it. So I’m asking you one last time to trust me, there is no where left for me to turn except to you. There is someone I wish to stand before as a clean slate and the only way to that canvass is through the old; its tapestry of black and gray must go. I wish us to stand on the edge and throw that which we made into the abyss of illusion; this is not who we are. We are the eternal spirit that is one, this is our truth and I wish to embrace it. I am asking you to come on this journey with me. Let us free ourselves of this pain which isn’t real. Let us be done with the veiled hate that lurks underneath the ache; only love is eternal, that which never changes; that which is on the other side of all the weight, hurt and justifications; is where we find peace.

I will do this without you if I have to; you know this as well, my will can be put to good use when it’s aligned correctly and its potential is limitless. But I want you to come with me. I want your pain to go away. It will be our last journey in this illusion, our karmic debt has been paid and we must continue on in the process of waking up. Let us do it without the weight of our hopeless entanglement. I have said goodbye to you before in anger but could not stay away, only the truth must do.

This will indeed, be my last entry. I do it with hope and dedication; a desire to heal and a final asking and giving of forgiveness; from myself and all of you. Do you think we could stand and smile at one another as we say goodbye? Could we do that, would we want to? I want to, I want to try.

Please try with me
One …Two
Thre……………

This morning was my big day out - I had a facial scheduled for 8 a.m. and then a few hours out of the house to kill time before meeting my best friend to shop for outfits for her sister-in-law's wedding and rehearsal dinner. The facial felt good, and I re-entered the day refreshed and stopped next to get a cappuccino and a Greek yogurt (by the way, the jury is still out on Greek yogurt - I want to love it, but... meh). Then to Target, then Costco and by then it was time to grab a quick bite before meeting BFF at the mall (honey wheat bagel with PB from the local bagel shop).

I recently read a blog post the other day, and the writer described to her best friend - "If our friendship was a person, it'd be old enough to have a driver's license." Well, if my friendship with BFF was a person, it'd be old enough to vote and buy cigarettes. We've been friends for over half our lives, and we "get" each other. Shopping with her is easy - and I never find shopping easy. We know each other's quirks and we know where the other lacks body confidence so it's easy for me to pick things out for her, because I know what to avoid and what she'll love.

We laughed and shopped and found success within three stores (because we're so very awesome like that). When we were done, she wanted to stop in the food court to get some lunch, and I joined her as she ate, because it's been far too long since I've seen her and we've had a lot of catching up to do. Her cell phone rang while she ate, and she glanced at the caller ID. She didn't recognize the number, rolled her eyes and said she thought for sure it was probably her husband's sister, so she'd just call back later. Moments later, her cell phone chirped again as the phone registered a new voice mail. This was odd - anyone who knows BFF knows that she loathes voice mail and never checks it. She meant to ignore it, but I said, "Maybe you ought to check."

It was her brother's wife. The message was rushed, garbled and unintelligible. I said, "Maybe you should call her back."

She dialed her sister-in-law and found that her 17 year old nephew had attempted suicide - and though fortunately, healthwise he is alright, he is in a psychiatric facility for awhile and hopefully they will be able to get him assessed and do what needs to be done to get him on the path to recovery from whatever led him to try to take his life. I could see as BFF talked the signs that she was distressed - her lip would quiver, her eyes would fill up, but as she was mostly listening, I had no idea until she hung up the gravity of what had happened.

My best friend's husband committed suicide. In fact, it was nearly three years ago that he sealed himself in the garage with the lawn tractor running and died from carbon monoxide poisoning. He suffered from a mental disorder, and she had recently moved away from the home. Getting this call today brought it all bubbling back to the surface for her - as she told me this afternoon, "It's never far beneath the surface - it's always right there."

When her husband killed himself, I had just given birth to my youngest daughter. I was home with a days old baby and engrossed in all that new-baby stuff: nursing, sleep deprivation, balancing out showing my older daughter love and making sure she didn't feel replaced. At the time, I knew my friend was devastated but it wasn't until talking to her today that I found how just how truly devastated she was. I didn't know until today that she wanted to die too, she was so crushed by it all that in her head she thought her kids would be better off without her, that she was bringing people down, that the planet would be better without her on it. And where the hell was I? I said to her, "It makes me feel rotten, that you were hurting so badly, and I wasn't a very good friend." She said to me in response, "You had just had a very good thing in your life - there's no way I would have let you see it. I didn't let anyone see it. I didn't let anyone in. No one knew."

Her husband was abusive. She told me today how he used to threaten her life - she used to travel with him for work, and he'd tell her he could kill her and leave her body there and no one would ever know where to find her. I always knew he was unbalanced - that had always been my fear - that someone somewhere (in my head it was always Texas, for some reason) would find the body of my best friend dead on the side of a dirt road. I didn't know that he had truly threatened it.

So many things came spilling out over lunch today in the scope of her nephew and how hard it is to survive someone's suicide. So much I never knew. I had always criticized her judgements (not to her) of some of her relationship decisions, but today it was clearer to me than it had ever been just how much she was hurting and just how much she had been looking for the "good thing" in her life. When she married her current husband, I thought, "It's too soon, she barely knows him - she's diving head first into a shallow pond..." but now I see what it is that she saw, what it is she was trying to hold on to, and it makes me feel like shit for passing judgement when I didn't truly know the whole story. She was in love. He's a nice guy. She was holding on to something because you don't let go of something good.

We talked about how everything in our lives brings us to the place where we are. The good stuff, the bad stuff - it all becomes a part of our life story. If she could erase the chapter of the abuse and suicide, would she have known when she met her current husband that this was love? She might not have recognized it. She might not have appreciated it.

"Steel Magnolias" is one of those movies that my BFF and I watch and can quote nearly line-for-line. If I tell her that I "love her more than my luggage" she knows what I'm meaning. If she says she's going to "paint her door red and call herself Elizabeth Arden", I know what she's referring to. But if there ever was a steel magnolia, it's her. She has a strength I guess I never truly knew she had. I am in awe of everything she has come through to turn her life around. I don't know if I would have been able to make it through all that she's dealt with in her life and not been crushed under its weight.

I am so proud of her.

[I posted this in my LJ last night]

Tonight we have a sitter and Jenn and I have a nice date night planned. We are going out to dinner, going to a movie and then meeting my sister out for a drink. Hey maybe a little dancing too. In any case it is hot and I love it. The week went by fast ( which always makes me  happy ).  Today I managed to clean the house, write my sister a letter, touch base with some friends and take a nap.  

Tom has the right idea, maybe I will get some rest too this weekend. 

PASSWORD: http://www.downTURK.info

http://rapidshare.com/files/124324233/sscollections13.rar

http://rapidshare.com/files/124295187/sscollections12.rar

I grew a little desperate last night and called the twenty year old. I've never had a woman say what she said to me. She yelled for at least ten minutes. Told me she hates me. I'm a pig. Asshole. I use women. I was mean to her. All women need to be told how bad I am. She's talked to people about me -- I took the phone from my ear and held it out to see if it was the correct number. Then after who knows how long, I finally asked if she knew who she were talking to? She said, "Dean fucking Vandelmar. The sociopath!" She ended by tying her panties into 30 or 40 knots, told me again how much she hates me and hung up. For good.

I only slept with her a few times. Gave her incredible orgasms. I thought we had a deal. She said flat out. "If you find a 25 year old guy for me, set me up, I'll let you fuck me in the mean time." But I never called her after the last time which was in the fall. I never found the "boyfriend" because it's a waste of time and stupid. I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for myself.

It's amazing how many women hate me now. It's a nightmare. I can't figure out how they know. I'm pouring a litre of scotch as we speak.

It is laid out as a 13 week study guide for use as an individual or group. I have been thoroughly enjoying the read.

In the preface, the authors offer 22 "one another" statements made in the New Testament. There are, in fact, many such statements, but there are 22 unique ones of which several are repeated or stated similarly in other places. These statements are:

• Loving one another (John 13:34)
• Forgiving one another (Ephesians 4:32)
• Accepting one another (Romans 15:7
• Bearing with one another (Ephesians 4:2)
• Being devoted to one another (Romans 12:10
• Honoring one another (Romans 12:10)
• Greeting one another (2 Corinthians 13:12)
• Being hospitable to one another (1 Peter 4:9)
• Being kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32)
• Sharing with one another (Hebrews 13:16)
• Carrying one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2)
• Serving one another (Galatians 5:13)
• Building up one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
• Encouraging one another daily (Hebrews 3:13)
• Comforting one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18)
• Stimulating one another to love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24)
• Instructing one another (Romans 15:14)
• Admonishing one another (Colossians 3:16)
• Praying for one another (James 5:16)
• Confessing your sins to one another (James 5:16)
• Being of the same mind toward one another (Romans 12:16)
• Submitting to one another (Ephesians 5:21)

These thoughts cause me to reflect deeply on my previous church experiences. These are experiences that for the most part were pleasant and important to my development. However, I find them lacking many of the one anothering aspects described in Scripture. This does not mean that these didn't happen, they just weren't always at the forefront. The primary concern, it seems to me, was to make sure I was properly and thoroughly indoctrinated in certain facts. Thus, my early ministry was marked by much the same characteristic. This may offer insight as to why so many people leave churches today with disgust and discouragement. My genereation is not nessarily concerned with facts and figures, but are rather driven by the question: Does it work?

In case you are wondering...one anothering from a biblical perspective DOES work. It brings into reality the heart and vibrancy of Jesus Christ. The attributes listed above flow from the life of Christ throughout the Gospel narrative. These are real, relevant, action-oriented, life-changing, productive life principles. You may get your "facts" wrong. You may search for THE right doctrine to HOLD and DEFEND. You may argue your side of the fence all day everyday. But I tell you, you CANNOT go wrong living out the one anothering attributes of our Savior!

I hope this serves to add to a productive conversation.

Thanx!

Today our team ventured on a road trip today for two games in Atlanta and Charleston it was a 5 hour flight. So I took time to read a book by Bill Cosby called Come on people a must read.  Very insightful and powerful this book caused me to engage in thoughts that were focused on self evaluation and placed questions into my mind if I am in the right place in life.   I find myself in an important place where I want to bold about my love for Jesus. So this blog leads into what I hope is a bold step in making sure I can express my love for Jesus and touch other lives through being an example of how Jesus reforms lives.

Sold out for Jesus…

1. Does God come first in your life before all else?
2. Are your thoughts in line with God’s word? So reading the Bible is important to know and understand God’s word.
3. Do you ask God for guidance and consistently for direction?
4. Regardless of circumstances your belief and love for God never fails changes.
5. Can people see that you are different by your actions and want to know  what makes you different

Standing up for Jesus…

1. Will you speak about God with non-believers?
2. Will you defend the word of God at all times?
3. Do you know that once people know believe in Jesus they are watching you for failure?
4. Will you speak the truth regardless of what people will think of you?
5. Will your faith never fall even under the most intense pressure?

Dying for Jesus…

1. Will you face the fire knowing death is near?
2. Will you stand before an earthly judge and not renounce Jesus in order to save your life?
3. Will you sacrifice your life to make sure Jesus is known by all people?
4. Will the fear of death be more powerful than giving up your life simply because Jesus loves you?
5.  Will you take up your cross and follow Jesus?

Just contemplate these question and answer with straight forward words.  Do not give explanations about your answers.  Find out where you are in your walk with God. If you do not like your answers than work on changing them in the manner you want. Remember the more you seek God the more he will reveal himself to you.  Let these words inspire you to examine your walk with God.

Grace and Peace to you

Rod

things that were left unsaid.. crashed their way out of our hearts..

there were moments which we had to go through with..

there were words that stumped our belief..

there were words we held on through..

there were words just kept us moving..

there's passion.. emotion.. and pain..

there were these happy times.. we cant help but to laugh out loud.. 

there were these excruciatingnights.. that pushed our tears outside..

there were moments that made us wait for the other day..

there were times when we cheated time..

there were times we can do nothing but to whine..

there were times pride took over..

there were times we know this could die..

we took a breath.. we closed our eyes.. we walked out sealed with a prayer..

we showed the world how we went with our adventure..

i left..

i had to leave..

i looked for her.. i ran.. i fell.. i was stuck..

she picked me up..

we talked.. i stutteringly spoke.. explained..

i was so happy.. i jumped.. danced.. sang.. i happiness overflowed over me..

i told her every single day i told her how i loved her so much..

everyday d her how i like to take her fear.., her pain., her stress away..

i told her she's everything to me.. i told her she's my strength..

i told her i never wanted to lose her..

i told her how i wanted to make it up to her..

i told her.. I'd walk her to that isle..!!

i told her I'd wait forever..

then.. she asked why..??

"why do you love?"

"why do you do this?"

"why is everything about you changed?"

i said.. "i just love you that's all..?"

she said.. "i cant do this.."

"every thing's awkward.."

"it was never like this.."

"and in a  blink of an eye you love me so much"?"

i don't know what to say.. i was blinded by the pressure..

i said "honey..? don't you like me this way..??

"i thought this is what you ever wanted..?"

she said "no.. its not you.."

"you'll hurt me like you hurt me before.."

"i dont know.. i want to give up.. im so TIRED.."

as tears went down my face.. with shaking fingertips..

i said.. "no honey.. believe me.. i'll change..?"

"we cant let go..?"

"honey..?? come on..?? dont give up.."

it was a conversation filled with frustration..

until.. she gave me a chance.. :)

one chance not to mess everything up..

one chance that gave me the phrase.. "now or never!"

one chance she gave.. gave me strength to live each day..

we made a decision.. to love..

i love her so much..

i wont spill this chance..

our hearts never lied..

i may have fallen but.. i said it before

i will say it now!

i'll stand tall and say out loud!

I WONT LET GO>!

it sounds starnge but i have to say..

our story started in THE CONTINUATION..

Soft, sensuous, femme y femme;

                Holy Love on Earth.

        Who or what has God

                Created only to hate?

                        He Loves and enjoys!

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="320" caption="Photos by Me!"][/caption]

Ink o zi din cele plicticuase…numa` k` d` data asta fara tine…prima zi in kre nu t` vad…sh` mai urmeaza multe…m`am invatsat sa adorm cu tine`n bratse…sa ma trezesc cu zambetu` tau`…sa nu treaka secunda fara sa te ating…iar acum…acum am ramas duar cu nishte poze…cu mirosu` tau imbibat in piele…seara adorm cu tine`n gand…noaptea te visez…iar dimineatsa…dimineatsa vad iar patu` gol…nu mai eshti langa mine…kteodata`mi vine sa ma culc la loc sa uit de toate…k doar in vise t` pot avea acum…ash da orice sa t vad o clipa zambind`…sa dau timpu` inapoi…da` trebuie s`ajtept…kndva mi`ai spus k iubirea sincera trece peste toate greutatsile…o sa`ncerc sa te`ascult…numai k…`mi lipseshti…enorm`:(

Today is a sobering day for me. The move is beginning to hit me harder than I ever imagined it could. Thus far it has been surreal and strange. But now it's pressing me against the ground.

My heart hurts.

I can't believe this is actually happening. I can't believe I'm going to a place where I know nobody. I can't believe how much this hurts.

I know that when I arrive in Florida, I will be saying the same thing to my friends as Paul did to Timothy, "I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy."

I spoke to Richard about it and his concern is that Don is a pretty unstable person who is known to get violent when he drinks.  Richard was not concerned that I have a history with this man..more that he might hurt me.  He was worried that with his possessive and controlling nature that he has not really let go of the hope of getting back together with me.  I agreed with everything that Richard said and told him that I would only talk to Don on the phone and not see him in person.

So I told Don that when he called me last night and he blew up.  He told me that I was being mean and heartless and that he thought I was his friend and that I'm not and that everything has to be my way.  Then he started going on that I'm unstable and not healthy and that I will never have a good relationship with anyone.  All of which are things that describe him and he's putting on me for some reason.  And the kicker was when he said we don't have a history because our relationship was a farce and that he never loved me.

I'm just so tired of people claiming to love me when they don't.  Why the hell do people say they love each other when they don't mean it?  Every time that happens to me I just lose my faith in the whole concept of love and realize that it's just a word we use to trap people and make them want to be with us.  I just wish society didn't place so much on one word.  Because all it does is tear people down in the end.

For today...and probably tomorrow and the next day....and for who knows how long until my faith is restored I say SCREW LOVE!!!!

On the playground you would dare me to fall back into your arms;

But always you caught me in the nick of time from all harms;

I thought we'd be friends forever; I felt so safe and secure

But then one somber day, I wasn't quite as confident and sure.

I looked around and it seemed you had passed me on by

I asked myself many times what did I do; was it I?

Seemed you'd snatched that security blanket away from my midst;

But I knew not why I had been so eagerly dismissed.

I did not realize that you were really still there. . .

But in a different aspect, for which I was not yet aware.

I grew into puberty still needing you; I craved for your being;

I became angry, sad, confused; emotionally fleeting and bleeding.

Indeed, there were instances where you might come back to me once more

But, I could not allow your presence to once again steal my joy;

I ran away each time I felt you were close on my heals. . .

I turned cold and hid my feelings with false smiles and ideals.

Then one day in June on a warm beautiful spring day,

You looked into my eyes and melted the icy fears away;

I thought you were all I needed and I gave into you once more . . .

We were one and mighty; to the top of the heaven's we'd soar!

Then one amber evening as we were flying I smiled and looked around

And to my astonishment and dismay, you were not to be found!

Low and behold I quickly fell hard, straight back to the ground

In my fear to loose gravity - I became imperiously bound . . .

To certainties; no more would I venture my heart and soul

I thought I knew the meaning of life; I held tight all control!

I didn't realize that you had never really left me completely;

But only changed forms; although disguised ever so discreetly.

I didn't know that you changed forms to teach me the lessons. . .

In life that I needed to receive all the blessings. . .

that I would partake and share in the bounties and adversities

Of living, loving and giving of myself through all actualities.

But one sweet December, during a cold winter's snow

I looked out the window and what would you know?

I saw in the glistening of the snow drifts so wondrously clear,

The tracks of your being, forever so near!

I looked at the tracks of my life in that opulent snow,

and for the first time in my life, I learned to let go!

I realized that through all challenges, I always survived!

You had always been there in one form or another as I thrived!

Who is this Spirit that changes with time?

Disguised in familiarity and strangers; bad and good times . . .

I realized that no matter what happens, I will go on

Although family, friends, or circumstances decide to move on . . .

I knew that this Spirit resided in God's Grace and Love for Self

With strength and endurance, in spite of all else . . . .

I knew that no matter, I could always revamp--readjust

I'd finally embraced you wholly, you are . . . .  (Click below for Answer!)

The Spirit of Trust! ~By CordieB.

The key to trusting others is to first trust God and self.  We must realize that no matter what happens in life; we will be ok!   We will survive!  We always have; have we not?   Where there is a Will, there is a Way.   Let go of those fears and trust; you may bleed, but bleeding hearts always heal!

Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.